New Year's Day Resolving Itself

White lines of snow on tree branches from last night, and streets melting to black and slush. We went to Harrington's across the street lastl night, and it was especially wonderful to be with young kids on New Year's Eve-- lots of determination to stay up and See the Ball Drop--a tradition that we used to keep in Shinnston, too-- going to Hardesties and staying up. I remember the first year David went to some party to which I wasn't invited, so I didn't go to the family party either, embarrassed and awkward and feeling terminally left out. Instead, at midnight, I sat in the unusually warm evening at the bottom of our stairs and felt at once profoundly lonely and sad and also awed and stimulated by my own awareness of myself.

I remember the thrill of sheer lateness-- the blackness of the night-- voices shouting in the distance.